Me-Time Relationships

Many so-called relationship experts expound about how you should handle your shared space or time with your special person(s). Some go on and on about how men and women partners should perform certain schedules or actions promoting better longer relationships. However, I think couples should relax and simply care about why they are together in the first place. Love.

If you do not have children yet, then your time together is easier to manage. For men, you must first understand that you do not have to perform or satisfy her as soon as it becomes bedtime and jump her bones as soon as her head hits the pillow. She will tell you either by using a key word or phrase you both know, or by her flirting behavior, or sometimes, by physically attacking you that she is…in the mood. Otherwise, leave her alone. For women, do not use your physical attributes to trigger his attention. This is confusion. He needs to know that your needs are being met and your appreciation is mandatory. Surprise him with the occasional caress or feel him in his favorite place and change your approach to give him a reason to linger. A key word or facial expression may be needed for some couples to have clear communication or understanding about physical or mental satisfaction.

If you have children together, this puts a new spin on your time together as parents. A new Mom needs bonding time away from her significant other. And a new Father needs time away from the demanding infant. This is just a fact. Do not push a male to nurture or breast-feed the baby. This is a sure way to alienate him as it makes him feel disgusted with the whole family environment. There is nothing wrong with a man being a man and a woman being a woman. Men, you can be caring and loving of your children and her, but you need to tell her to give you your me-time. This is not a character assassination for you, merely an honesty about your need to feed your testosterone. Ladies, you can feel overwhelmed by your children and still care and love them and your lover. Tell him, or others, your exhaustion level. Give people the opportunity to help. He and your children will thank you as you are less stridently yelling or throwing things in your frustration with everyone’s seeming apathy toward your feelings.

If you are in the mood, simply ask her if she can spend quality time with you and when this can happen. For women, clear communication is the key to a lasting relationship…for everything! She needs assurance that she understands your meaning, your purpose, your expectations from her. If she is in the mood, you will immediately know a difference in her looking at or touching you. And if you have the space or can swing it, sleep separate. Being able to shut down and reset before going to sleep is very important for physical and mental well-being. For women, it is their time to go over the day in their mind to examine what they did, who did and said what, and what it all means for them for tomorrow’s plans. For him, it could be time to groom, exercise, flex, examine self, or just fart without worrying about what someone thinks or says or looks about it.

Me-time is not about isolation. It is about self-love and giving others space for their own me-time. It is about de-stressing, understanding, caring for others and yourself and not having to apologize. Let a man be a man and a woman be a woman. I would go so far to say that a perfect relationship is all about understanding. Women, understand that it is okay if a man has sex with another woman as long as that woman is clean. It is okay for him to have children with her if he gives you and your children quality time of day too. Men, it is okay to share her with other men and let her be pampered, satisfied, and happy doing things you refuse to do with her. Just think. Won’t it be wonderful if you both have an understanding that any partner they choose other than yourself should be clean down there, not a stalker, and not abusive to your open relationships? This new attitude and relationship-sharing is a kind of group or “friends” that live and love together, caring for each other and their needs, together. When you do not have time for your favorite person, maybe he can fill the gap. Or maybe your friend she can fill that void he feels for spontaneity, strange, or just different boobs or hair color female.

The tabloids will rush to say to you, “Giiirl, I saw your man, Tom, out with blonde bombshell Susie last night!” And, you’ll say, “I knooow. They look cute together, don’t they?” Winking and laughing. “But so do we!” Leaving in the dust any kind of dig because they will then know that it was sanctioned by you giving your man a little breathing room, or me-time. Then, you grab the arm of Brad and give him a big smack on the lips right in front of everyone. And it is alright. He is in on it, too. Susie and Brad are in your circle. What a relief! Brad was always the better kisser, anyway. You and Tom have a date for Saturday at the beach. Tom looks better in a Speedo! Next Friday is your date with the new addition to the group, Edwardo. He is soooo European and speaks fluent Portuguese! Life just got sweeter; don’t you agree?

Some people stick like glue to each other in monogamous relationships for over fifty years. I am not saying this is wrong. Rather, I am saying that there is possibly a better, less stressful way couples can make each other and their family happy. For too long, you have all been wrapped in a cocoon of religious fanaticism unable to fly, stuck in fun sucking relationship of marriage. Tied to each other until you both explode in court and on the world stage. This better life and loving attitude giving me-time to your special person is like a butterfly. Let it go. If it comes back to you, you are breathless with gratitude to have it in your presence. If not, then it was never meant for you anyway. Better to let it live free than to see it age and disintegrate right before your eyes. Look at it this way. Treat every relationship as a one-night stand. You like what you see. You allow the person to enter your world. You choose to come together with this person knowing the consequences could be a child with this person. More often than not, the person becomes your life-long friend because you do not pressure them to perform every night like a circus monkey. An occasional hookup and fling can be exciting and can also make you appreciate the ones that stick around. 

If your favorite one declares their love for another, you shrug your shoulders and cast your eyes on someone new, knowing you are worthy of love from someone else besides your lustmate. For now, you understand that it is not the end of the world when one of you calls it quits and decides to leave for greener pastures. The ties that have bound people together is in the past. You do not have to get married to have a healthy normal relationship. You now know that just because he or she takes an interest in someone else, it could be natural attraction that occurs for procreation tendencies and does not mean that you are deficient. You now know that you do not have to pay for love. You can simply declare you are open to a new relationship or just turn to your other mate and receive acceptance even on a bad hair day. You now know that in the bedroom, you can have a backup plan in case the first one doesn't finish the job. 

Now, I'm not saying that an orgy must occur, but being able to accept that there are times when you really do have a headache and he may still need comfort is a huge relief when you can play tag. It can absolutely devastate a person emotionally to the point of suicide whenever they feel abandoned or inadequate and unable to attract or keep love. Most people are so caught up in making their relationship or marriage work, they lose sight of their own needs and feelings. They cover up their infidelity and hide themselves in an effort retain power over another, especially if they are married and know they may be taken to the cleaners in court if the relationship fails or they are found out. Now you can turn and walk away from him or her when you are rebuffed knowing you are capable of giving yourself me-time and self-love. And you can allow yourself to either be alone or put yourself out there for a new and exciting relationship without the expectation of nuptials and faint financial sucking sound going off in your head. Using my relationship methods, you can rest assured there is a person out there who can fill the gap without tying you to the concrete cycle of failure to complete someone.

Whose fault is it when divorce occurs? How much pain and financial ruin occurs? How many children are subject to domestic violence or death at the hands of an angry parent because of relationship expectations? I am not saying that a parent should not be responsible for their child. There are financial consequences that occur for both father and mother. However, to rail at the person for being human is ridiculous. If the sexual partner or other half wants me-time or space, I say give it freely, unfettered, with loving kindness and…understanding. Let it go. Then, when you are begged for a second chance, have him or her go to your doctor and have a physical exam for any STD’s or other icky communicable diseases. This not only assures that you will not be subject to contracting something you can’t get rid of, but it is also a sure sign that he or she is sincere and committed to making you happy. It may be for a short time, but at least you are safe.

If you have a “friends” list, make sure they are all clean down there, especially any new ones added to your group. Then, live, love, laugh, and be free to tell people when you need your me-time. It is okay to demand quality time from your love interest, but just remember to give space as much as you get it. I hope my Muse insight has given you a new way to value time for yourself and others in your orbit. Excitement may build as you realize that additions are possible within your group if they all agree, and you may find that help with the kids your man is incapable of giving. When you dispense with the jealousies, your world is wide open to explore real relationships, real feelings, real commiseration from not only men, but the women in your circle willing to be there when you need someone to care, give advice, or a shoulder to cry on. After all, they share your knowledge of your man, your idiosyncrasies, your needs, and feelings.

Do you know yourself now? I wrote this piece as an offering of hope for a future free from guilt, anxiety, stress, and hopelessness. Some people will try to put your life in a box. They tell you what you are doing wrong and how to make someone love you more or better. I say give yourself the me-time you need to breathe. Then, share this self-love knowledge with others you care most about. Be bold and ask for your space while offering them their own space at the same time. You may be surprised that speaking up offering others their freedom to love gives you wings, too.

Happy Valentine's Day! With Love MoonEagle!

© Copyright, Me-Time Relationships, 2/14/2023, April Graves-Minton, Love MoonEagle. All Rights Reserved.